Porcelain
by silvercruiser
Summary: After everything that's happened, there's only one thing she's sure of: they will always find each other again. Jill/Alice. Starts after Apocalypse.
1. Chapter 1

This has been a long time in the making. It started as an idea I came up with a friend I met online, but since we lost contact, I decided to keep going on my own. So, old friend(Haryel, maybe? I'm so sorry I don't remember your name!), if you're reading this and you remember me and this story, shoot me a message? Let's talk!

* * *

 **3 Years Before the Fall of Raccoon City**

" _Jillian."_

" _Seriously? This is the third time tonight. I thought I told you not to call me that."_

 _Alice would normally take any opportunity to tease Jill more, but this time she decided against it. This time she only smirked, even though Jill couldn't see her face. "Have you ever heard of the Umbrella Corporation?" She asked as they walked side by side with their flashlights pointed down the hallway ahead of them._

" _Only the biggest, most powerful corporation in the world today. Yes, I may have heard of them once. Why?" Jill chuckled and continued walking down the long corridor, she was so focused on the sounds around them and worried about who they might come across around the corner that she didn't immediately realize Alice had stopped a few feet behind her._

 _Jill would have kept on going alone, but the lack of answer caught her attention and she stopped to look over her shoulder. When she saw Alice standing there like a creep, she directed the flashlight directly at the other woman's eyes. Alice squinted, then shielded her face from the light and nodded to her left where a large double door made of metal stood. It was painted over in green, but the paint was peeling off and some of it was all over the floor. "Over here." She waited until Jill was next to her again to place a hand over her bicep. "Well, they're hiring. I thought we could both try out."_

" _What about S.T.A.R.S.?"_

" _It doesn't hurt to keep our options open, Jill."_

 _Umbrella went against everything Jill believed in and the idea of working for them even as some kind of a spy made her skin crawl – she didn't think she could ever live a double life like that, too much trouble, and her moral compass would probably have a heart attack. Without acknowledging what Alice was suggesting, Jill took a step closer to the door and extended her hand towards her friend, knowing she would understand what she wanted. Alice quickly handed her a black kit and then pointed her own flashlight at it as Jill chose a couple of picks to get the door open._

 _It was easy, needless to say. One of the great things Jill had learned from her father. "They'll know it was me, I hope you know." She said as she placed the picks back in the kit and handed it back to Alice._

 _With the doors now open, a huge olympic pool came into view. Jill had no idea the place existed, but suddenly found herself thankful that Alice managed to convince her to come._

" _Oh, I know." Alice shrugged and then reached inside her pocket. "That's why I have this." In her hand was a set of keys, and before Jill could ask, she added: "I also don't want anything to happen to your reputation here. I just happen to like it when you have that look of concentration on your face."_

 _And with that, Jill playfully hit the back of Alice's head while she took to locking the door behind them. "No wonder your boyfriend cheated on you." She joked, looking up at the glass ceiling where a dim light coming from the big and bright full moon shone through and hit the near crystal clear water of the pool. It was breath taking. Or as close to breath taking as they would ever get while staying in a military camp._

" _What is that supposed to mean!?" Alice asked as she began to take off her clothes and Jill instantly followed her lead – neither of them shy, thanks to the communal showers they had already seen each other's bodies plenty of times before._

 _Jill didn't answer, choosing to simply give her a shrug before jumping into the pool._

* * *

 **Present time**

Alice wasn't entirely sure why Jill was so annoyed with her, but, truth be told, she was kind of getting a kick out of it. It was childish to push her buttons now of all times, she knew that, but entertainment didn't come so easy these days and she wasn't planning on being picky about it. Plus, the way they ended up glaring at each other everytime they disagreed about something as well as the memories of happier times spent together were basically two of the few things keeping her alive and sane at the moment, it helped remind her of her fleeting humanity. It was difficult to keep a hold of herself these days; after seeing it on the news multiple times and constantly thinking about the events that lead to Raccoon City being wiped out of the map...damn it, a part of her became filled with so much anger that anger was sometimes the only reason why she woke up every morning.

She couldn't forget the fact that she had completely neglected certain things, certain signs, and she knew she was the one to blame for everything that happened back there. And yet, she wasn't about to regret everything. Had she acted any differently, Umbrella might have gotten away with it once again and she wouldn't have had a chance to strike them where it hurt, their public image(more or less).

"Are you alright?" asked the little Ashford girl, still so delicate and so innocent, she was completely unaware of the monster her father had put inside her DNA just to keep her alive. The T-Virus mutated every passing minute in her body and even though Angie didn't mutate entirely like Alice did, Alice could still feel it coming off of her in waves and she wished she could somehow make it stop. Angie didn't deserve this fate, she deserved a happy life, far away from this mess they were in.

Happiness. As if that was possible now.

Alice only had one objective from now on, and that was to keep quiet about what happened in this mutating process. She knew she would scare them, all of them, if she ever told them how fast the virus was developing inside her body - she couldn't even classify herself as a normal human being anymore. It was an undeniable fact she had noticed even while they were still at Raccoon City, when the blood in her veins began to run much more rapidly, when her senses became overwhelmingly alert and spectacular movements began flowing out from both her arms and her legs(as if jumping off motorcycles was something she had done her entire life).

She died inside more and more as time passed by and something worse started to take control of her.

But there was hope yet.

Love was not something the creature inside her understood, but love was something that kept her somewhat grounded.

When she escaped Umbrella's lab and saw Jill for the first time in what felt like a century, she felt something she didn't think she would ever feel again. Her heart started beating faster and she felt completely breathless. "Thank god." Jill said quietly, but there was so much love and worry there that Alice could barely believe that she had, indeed, reached a place as tightly locked and hidden away as Jill Valentine's heart.

It was something that made her smile: Jill liked to pretend she had it all under control, her words were often filled with sarcasm, but all it took was one look at Alice for her heart to betray her just like Alice's own heart had done.

But then, instead of feeling relief, she caught herself wondering if she was reading it all wrong. Maybe that wasn't love. There's a chance Jill was just nervous, but nervous of what, exactly? And why? Alice couldn't find an answer. Jill was a mystery, a contradiction, she appeared calm when she wasn't, she thought rationally even when there was nothing rational about the way her body reacted. Then again, that's probably what made her such a great woman and what set her apart from the rest: her ability to keep it together even when she felt like everything would fall apart.

"Let's keep on moving, everyone. We don't have all day." Jill called out as they walked into their new hiding spot, a dirty motel by the road in the middle of nowhere. Another cliché they apparently came to appreciate since leaving everything behind.

This secret life pleased Alice more than it probably should, it was just like playing hide and seek, though this was much more complicated than a simple child's game, it was much more exciting and dangerous.

By now Umbrella must have sent out a bunch of soldiers specially trained to deal with things like her.

Unfortunately for them, Alice herself had already gone through the same type of training and knew very well what she'd have to deal with later on.

She was ready.

* * *

a/n: after spending a lot of time reading about Jill and STARS, I'd like you to pretend that the STARS team has been around for some time, that way it would make sense for Jill to want to join them/be recruited. other than that, hopefully everything else will fit in.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm so sorry for the delay! I hope you guys like this one, I definitely haven't abandoned it!_

 _Also, what did you think about RE: The Final Chapter? I haven't gotten around to watching it yet, but I heard what they did to some characters(i.e Jill) and I hate it_

* * *

 **3 Years before the fall of Raccoon City**

 _"Falling in love with you would be so easy, do you even realize that?" Unlike the usual carefree flirting that Jill had grown used to, this time Alice's voice lacked the usual cheerfulness; there was a sadness, a certain kind of urgency there that Jill didn't recognize and didn't exactly know what to do with. Alice sounded defeated and distant._

 _Something was wrong, Jill could tell as much, but figuring out exactly what the problem was was a whole different ball game. One Jill didn't really know how to play._

 _"Excuse me?"_

" _Nothing. I was just thinking out loud." Alice shrugged and approached Jill who was sitting on the circular window, her feet up against the wall and a book lying unread on her lap. "By the way, Umbrella called me for another one of their tests for the Security Section. Did I tell you they specifically asked for 'tough' and 'mean' people for the job?" The change of subject was Alice's way of trying to lighten up the mood and, yeah, it definitely worked._

 _Of course it worked. Jill had a slight obsession with Umbrella ever since Alice started talking about them._

 _"So, needless to say, you're not going to get that job." Jill joked, taking the book and poking Alice's leg with it. The blonde laughed but didn't say anything._

 _That brief moment of silence was enough to have Jill's mind wandering._

 _See, Jill had always admired the way Alice dealt with her anger and frustration, she didn't let it get the best of her, didn't let it ruin her day. Alice was strong and focused, kind and loyal, just like Jill thought she herself was. Except for the fact that, when she was around Alice, things were a little different. She just wasn't the same when they were together. Her confidence? Practically gone._

 _She felt… unsure._

 _"You were right, you know? About Umbrella." Alice's words brought her back to the real world, causing Jill to look up at her._

" _What do you mean?" She watched the blonde curiously._

 _Except Alice didn't immediately respond and Jill couldn't help but wonder just how much she knew about the corporation._

 _"Just the things they do and how they work. All their secrecy… something isn't right about them."_

 _Jill nodded. "Just be careful." But what she really wanted to tell her was that she should get out now before it was too late._

 **Present Time**

Their room was a disaster. There was no other way to describe it.

Thanks to everyone being on edge and agreeing that they needed to stick together for the time being, they ended up having to beg the owner to put as many beds as he could inside one single room.

One single _small_ room. They were on the middle of the road, there were no presidential suites available… not that they had the money to pay for one, anyway.

Needless to say, they had very little space left to do anything but lie down and walk to and from the bathroom, but then again, space was something of a commodity these days. Sure, they all had to brace themselves for Carlos' snores, but at this point it was better to be safe than sorry. "I feel like I haven't seen a real bed in years." Jill said as she dropped a couple of bags on the floor and stretched out languidly.

Alice was about to say they should all get some rest but before she could open her mouth a loud stomach grumble was heard and everyone looked at one another trying to figure out who made the noise.

"It was Mr. Elvis over here." L.J. pointed his thumb at Carlos who rolled his eyes but didn't try saying anything to defend himself. Of course he was hungry. They all were. "So, here's my idea, there's a diner downstairs and we should go there. I'm damn hungry too, like a zombie hungry, man."

Alice smiled when Jill shook her head and didn't even try to hide her annoyance with L.J.. The man may have earned her respect, but it was clear she still felt like smacking him sometimes. "I'm staying." The two women said at the same time and looked at each other a second later. "You guys can go, though." Alice added, trying to be nice, trying to keep everyone in a good mood, but she really could care less what they did or didn't do just as long as everyone was safe, and she knew they were.

They were all safe for now.

"I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I'm tired of eating doritos. A proper meal sounds amazing right about now. Alice, anything I can bring you?" asked Rachael who was still _outside_ the room. (That's how little space was left.) Rachael was their new ally against Umbrella: they had saved her from a group of stray zombies on the road – the first group of undead they had seen since Raccoon City.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks anyway." Alice smiled back sweetly at the woman and couldn't help the chuckle that escaped when Jill's heart started to beat just a little bit faster than normal before she rolled her eyes. Something was bothering Jill, and Alice intended to find out.

"Angie's going too?" Jill asked, trying to keep her uneasiness to herself. Alice didn't know about the others but Jill was still being pretty obvious to her.

"Please, Jill? Please can I go? I could really use a cup of tea!"

This suicide mission they were on should be no place for a child. Yet, the little Ashford girl felt like the heart of the group. She made everyone feel normal, like they were just on a road trip with friends. Plus, it was adorable how excited she became about tea. "I could eat you up, Angie." Alice said, merely quoting that children's book but… given the circumstances, well, it was definitely the wrong thing to say and everyone stared at her.

Regardless of all the weird looks, Alice kissed Angie on the forehead like a big sister would do and looked at her in the eyes. "You'll always be my connection to reality, Angela Ashford." She gave her a small smile and backed away slowly. "Bring me one of those tasty toffees, okay?"

Angie smiled back, and much to Alice's complete delight, she answered back telepathically. " _Of course! And some bagels too, you need to eat, Alice._ " And without any other word, Angie waved at her as she walked away with the rest of the group.

And then there were two.

For the time being she decided to stay silent instead of saying something that would end up causing an argument with Jill. Instead her thoughts started to wander through Angie's mind, the fear she felt for the future, the heartache she felt because of her dead father and that strange but not entirely unknown sensation of when you're a kid and all you want to do is test your limits just to see exactly how far you can go, it was all there, in her mind.

Did Alice feel guilty for invading her thoughts like that? Not exactly. It wasn't like Angie had anything to hide.

"I just hope she'll be alright." though it was the last sentence of whatever it was that Jill said, it was the only thing Alice heard before turning to look at woman who was now at the other end of the bedroom and didn't seem to notice Alice's distraction.

"Angie is okay. She's stronger than we all give her credit for." Alice answered thoughtfully, currently occupying herself with not invading the other woman's mind. She wanted so badly to find anything that could help her understand Jill's hostility towards her, anything that could help her understand what she felt regarding everything that's been going on ever since the Raccoon City incident. Anything that could…

"Yeah, but for how long? How long until that changes? There's no way of knowing what will happen to her if she doesn't keep doing the treatment with the Virus. _You know_ how unpredictable that thing can be." The tone in her voice was accusatory enough, but Alice didn't bite.

"Jill…" A small smirk formed on the corner of Alice's lips. "What's really your problem?" She asked calmly. She didn't want to make Jill angry, but knew that was probably inevitable. They had both been on the edge for a while now.

"My problem?" Jill let out an annoyed laugh and pointed at Alice. "It's you! You lied to me from the very start!" She said as she slowly got her hand closer to the holster like she was trying to intimidate Alice, except it wasn't really working. Alice wasn't one to scare easily now. "You worked against us! You played their games when you knew what was going on!"

"Jill…"

"Do you realize how many people were killed because of Umbrella? Do you realize how many families were torn apart? Do you, Alice? You knew everything Umbrella was doing and you didn't do anything to stop them!" Jill looked at her as if she had suddenly turned into big ugly monster that was ready to take over the world. Jill didn't think about what she was saying, what the consequences would be if she kept attacking said monster… none of that.

Jill needed to blame someone and Alice happened to be standing right there.

The thing is, deep inside Alice knew Jill was right. She knew her infiltration at The Hive had gone terribly wrong and because of that all hell broke loose. Her mistake was the reason why so many lives were lost, the reason why Jill lost her father. It was a given that shit would have hit the fan eventually, but that thought didn't make her feel any less guilty. Maybe if she hadn't been so stupid, so naïve…

Alice then shook her head and sighed. "Okay, Jill. Let me ask you something. Are you more upset about all the pulverized people in the city or are you just angry at me for not doing 'anything' and not telling you about my job, when, really, not telling anyone about it was part of the job description? Isn't that something you admire in someone? Honor? Loyalty?" The question was sarcastic and straight to the point, making Jill's heart run so fast that it almost made Alice's ear explode. She could almost feel the taste of her misery, something that, once again, only made Alice smile.

"Honor? What you did had nothing to do with honor. Or loyalty." shaking her head, Jill continued, "you really haven't changed a bit."

If Jill was expecting some kind of impetuous answer, it never came. It was as if she was accusing Alice just for the heck of it. Jill knew very well how much she had changed.

"You don't know me at all, then." Alice shrugged it off and rushed into the small bathroom, pulling the door shut behind her. She needed to relax, Jill's tension was starting to risk her own sanity and she knew that getting into a fight would be disastrous for both of them – maybe even lethal. Alice didn't know how far her mental powers could go yet and she feared she could end up hurting Jill with just a simple movement. So for now, she would try keeping calm until Angie got back, then she would finally get some much needed sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Present Time**

The cold water on her face was enough to make everything go away, all the anger and all of the pain were pushed to the background of her mind as her thoughts grew clearer and she realized something she hadn't before. Jill was afraid of her. Why else would she be so hostile towards her? It was an idea that saddened Alice, but it's not like she could blame Jill, afterall, not when she was afraid of herself too. So many mistakes had been made and with the end of the world in sight, she wondered if things would ever be okay between them again.

With a sigh, she opened the bathroom door and when her eyes caught Jill, she saw her slowly reaching for her gun. Because that was the way Jill Valentine found to defend herself now: shoot first, ask questions later. Alice just wished she could get a different kind of reaction from her.

"Maybe if you'd told me about what was happening at the mansion…"

"It wouldn't have changed anything. You know that." Alice said seriously. "And believe me, I wanted to tell you, but after what happened at the mountains… I couldn't risk it."

Jill raised one single eyebrow at her. "You couldn't risk telling me, but you sure were okay with risking a lot of other things."

Alice lowered her head. She knew exactly what Jill meant: Jill's dishonorable discharge from the police force. More importantly, Dick Valentine. "At least you're still alive. You really think they would have let you go just like that?"

"They didn't. What, you really believe that's what they did? You think the news about me was a set up? You think me almost going to jail on murder, defamation and blackmail charges were just something they came up with to get rid of me? It wasn't. At least not the murder part."

Alice blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Then she frowned, confusion could not have been more obviously written across her face. "What?" at first she didn't think she heard it right – that maybe Jill was joking, but Jill wasn't like her, she wasn't one to joke around about things like that.

"I killed my father, Alice. I had to. And they used that against me, why wouldn't they?"

But… when he was captured, Alice had made sure to change those vials before they could put them to use. Jill's father wasn't supposed to… They weren't supposed to make him turn.

And yet, Jill wouldn't have killed her own father if she didn't have a damn good reason to.

The T-Virus was definitely a valid reason.

No.

What Jill just said implied that Umbrella knew all along that she was working against them. More than that, it made it crystal clear that Mr. Valentine wasn't taken out of the picture because he knew too much.

As much as Alice wished they could drop the subject, she realized they couldn't. Keeping any information secret was useless now, it wasn't going to do them any good at this point and would probably only put Jill and the others in more danger than they already were.

* * *

 **Before the Fall of Raccoon City**

 _As ironic as it sounds, it was Valentine's Day._

 _And that might have been Alice's plan all along: she asked Jill to be her Valentine._

 _Jill said yes._

* * *

 _A month before their training was over, Alice left. She got the job at Umbrella and they needed her to start working as soon as possible. She never explained exactly what she would be doing, just that she would be the head of security along with 'some guy' whose name she didn't mention. She said it didn't matter, but the way she spoke of him made Jill think she didn't know him at all._

 _She was worried about her, but there was nothing she could do about it._

 _Without Alice, her nights became quieter. Despite being able to talk to her over the phone almost everyday, they never saw each other until she left the base and by then things were already so different it was like she had somehow jumped into a completely different universe._

 _Alice wasn't the same and after spending so much time together at the base and creating a routine that allowed Jill to learn everything about the person the blonde was back there, when she caught up with her at Raccoon City, she realized things would never be like they used to again._

 _Not that it was going to be a problem, but their relationship was definitely going to be different out in the real world._

 _Maybe it would be better._

 _Maybe._

 _There were so many things beyond their control, though, and a little while later when Jill joined the S.T.A.R.S. team, she too changed, but that was because of what came with the job. It made her wonder what exactly came with Alice's job that made her so stressed._

 _Which, okay, maybe was a bit of an exaggeration, Alice was only like that when they were at the mansion, but they were there a lot. The mansion was apparently where she worked, and needless to say, she didn't work normal hours._

" _You should play for me someday." Alice pointed at the piano in the living room as she brought them some wine._

" _Do neither of you know how to play?" Jill handed her a glass and watched her pour the drink, almost completely to the brim. "Why do you have a piano if you can't play it?" She asked bemusedly. She didn't understand a lot of things about this arrangement and it made her feel irrationally jealous._

 _At least Alice's roommate, Spence was his name, was never around when they were together._

" _Why do we have a mansion if I barely know my way around and I'm constantly getting lost?" Alice retorted, putting the bottle of wine on the coffee table and then sat down next to Jill. She kicked off her shoes and moved to rest her head on Jill's shoulder, slipping an arm around her body and slowly making her cuddle her._

 _Jill enjoyed the closeness and could feel her body relax under the touch. "Why do you have a kitchen if you can't even cook?" she replied with a laugh and then took a sip of the wine before placing the glass on top of the side table. After a moment of silence and comfort, she got up, walked up to the piano and took a seat on the small round leather chair. "I suppose I'll have to teach you how to play, then." she winked at Alice when she looked at her with a mixture of awe and confusion._

 _Her fingers tentatively touched the notes at first, just randomly pressing a few keys to get the feel of the grand piano. Jill hadn't played since she left home, she was a little rusty and knew there would probably be quite a few mistakes. Thankfully, Alice had no proper musical training and if she happened to screw up the music, then she would be none the wiser._

 _She could feel Alice's eyes on her as she played one of her favorite songs by Beethoven, and once she started there was really no stopping. She felt the music vibrating everywhere inside her, taking over, and making her forget there was a life away from the piano and the notes she was playing by heart. She felt alive. She felt free._

 _When the music came to a slow and gratifying end, Jill turned around, and like someone who is getting ready for something huge, she took a long and deep breath. "Alice, what are we doing?"  
_

 _And really, she knew that one came out of nowhere and she could tell how confused Alice was. Then again, this situation was probably a first for both of them. Jill had never played Moonlight Sonata for someone and then proceeded to ask them such a serious question. It was new territory._

" _What do you mean?"_

" _Us, what are we doing?" Jill insisted._

 _Alice didn't answer right away, and Jill wasn't sure whether she was being dramatic and playing around like usual or whether she actually needed time to think about it, in which case, Jill didn't want to know the answer. "You know what nev…" she started._

 _But Alice was faster than her, she got up quickly and almost shouted: "No! We're dating, aren't we? I did ask you to be my Valentine that day."_

 _Jill laughed, because that's just the kind of thing Alice would bring up. "That doesn't automatically makes us official. What are you, five?"_

 _This time Alice actually sounded offended. "You know, you could have asked me too."_

" _I'm asking you now. To be my girlfriend, officially."_

" _Does that mean I'm finally going to meet your dad?"_

 _It was then that Jill's face turned sour, and she shook her head. Alice wasn't dumb, she realized the mistake she made and quickly tried to make it better. "So, girlfriends." She wrapped her arms around Jill's shoulder and when Jill placed her hands firmly on her waist, she sat on her lap and kissed her sweetly. "Did you ever think this is where we would be when we first met?"_

" _You mean with you on my lap?"_

 _Alice raised a suggestive eyebrow._

" _Whatever I say will just sound kinky and not help my case. I remember how much you kept teasing me about how much I wanted to fuck you."_

" _My my, officer Valentine. Tell me what's in that pretty little head of yours."_

 _Jill smirked, lowering her hands towards Alice's ass, grasping her firmly as she got up, taking Alice up with her who was quick enough to wrap her legs around Jill's waist. "I'd rather show you."_

* * *

Hope you liked it!

Also, just so you know, the next few chapters will all take place in the past, and we'll finally learn what really happened between Jill and Alice, and how Jill's father comes into the story.

Thanks for reading!


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